On My Very Long Journey to (Not Yet) Publishing a Book

And what I'm trying now, with your support

It’s a question I both appreciate and dread: “How’s writing going?”

On the one hand, I’m so grateful when a friend or family member wants to hear about my work and passion. And, truth be told, I could talk about writing and publishing— the proverbial ups and downs like a bad roller coaster, the plateaus as long and stretching as a West Texas highway—all day long.

On the other hand, there’s always a sting of discomfort, of discouragement. I never feel like my writing and publishing news lives up to expectations. I always feel, just a little bit, like I’m failing at it.

I know, objectively, you can’t actually fail at being a writer unless you don’t write at all. And while there will always be times when I write less (like, for example, right after the birth of a baby) I can’t imagine a life in which I stopped writing altogether. I can’t seem to shut the words up.

Aforementioned new baby taking up all my writing time

When I talk about feelings of failure, I’m mostly referring to my hopes and efforts around publishing a novel through a traditional, established publishing house.

Twice now, I’ve come as close as my own efforts will allow, with two novels reaching the stage at which editors from Big Five imprints are reading my writing. Twice now, I’ve seen novels that agents really believed in fail to sell.

At this point, I know it is more about trying to succeed in an industry that is highly subjective, where true success is based very much on luck and timing and fleeting trends. So you may ask: why not try something different?

I’ll get to that at the end of this post.

First, I’d like to share a few details about my journey in the publishing world to illuminate an often unknown process for readers who would like to know how books get from the mind of the author to a shelf in a bookstore. While not yet a success story, I hope mine can be helpful to other writers, especially those first exploring this confusing industry.

Photo by Dan Wayman on Unsplash

After “The End”

For those who know me, you may remember that I “self-published” a couple novels in college. You can read about my experience with a predatory vanity press in my article for LitHub, where I share how this experience taught me that success in the art world is not something that can be bought.

After college, I started a novel that followed me into graduate school, where the first chapters served as my thesis project. After much editing and workshopping, I decided the manuscript was ready to send out to agents.

This stage, known as “querying,” is one of the more stressful and involved stages on the publishing journey. Writers need to research literary agents who are interested in stories like theirs and then craft a letter that pitches their novel quickly and compellingly. Then, it’s a long waiting game to see if the agent will ask to read the full novel. If an agent asks for a full, it’s usually another long wait to hear if they are interested in representing the book.

With my first novel, I queried for about three months before signing with an agent who was thrilled about my story. She offered editorial feedback and then sent the book out to editors, a stage often known as going “on submission.”

After several months, we received a lot of beautifully worded and praise-filled rejections. For most editors, the book just wasn’t for them.

While I really liked my agent’s editorial skills, I eventually started to feel like my book wasn’t a priority for her anymore. I decided to amicably part ways with her and try querying again.

Almost…Again

While I was devastated that my novel didn’t sell, I was determined to keep going. I intensely revised my original novel and completed a new novel in a different genre. I began querying both and received numerous full requests for the new novel.

However, this second round of querying was far more emotionally draining than my first try. The wait to hear back from agents was far longer, and while I received so many more full requests, the rejections seemed to hit harder. So many times, I came so close with star agents who ultimately felt they weren’t the best fit to represent the book.

Finally, after a year and a half of querying, I signed with an agent who loved my story and believed it had great potential. Once again, we went on submission and I willed myself not to check my email every hour to see if editors were expressing interest.

That was over 18 months ago now. We’ve received some responses—editors praising the book but ultimately deciding it wasn’t for them—while the majority of editors have yet to give an answer. While I can still hold out hope that someone might pick up the book, the odds are looking pretty slim.

Now What?

To occupy my energy while we waited to hear from editors, I worked on yet another novel and finished it earlier this year. While my agent liked the premise and writing, he didn’t think he could sell it in the current publishing climate.

So now I’m here, trying to decide how much to query again to find an agent willing to take on my latest novel. Alternatively, I can move on to yet another project.

I’ve seen some success in the realm of short story writing, but even with shorter pieces, there is usually a lot of rejection before I hear a yes. It’s just the nature of any artistic field.

The hardest part is perhaps all the waiting, the hoping, while I sit powerlessly behind my inbox. I know I will always write stories, but it’s getting harder to throw myself into the long project of a novel without the promise that it will ever be read.

People frequently ask me why I haven’t tried self-publishing. There are obviously many authors who have found opportunity in this way, but I worry I wouldn’t be able to market myself successfully. While I know I’d have to promote my own book even if I was traditionally published, there’s something reassuring about doing so with the back-up of professional editors, designers, and marketers. With a good advance, there is also more initial financial security with a traditional book deal.

Besides, it’s my dream to see my book on bookstore shelves. And while I know getting a publishing deal doesn’t equate to good writing or a good story, it does offer a kind of reassurance (including a financial one) on the efficacy of my talents.

Sometimes, a publishing deal feels about as unattainable as a super power. If this caption feels like a stretch, it’s probably because I’m shamelessly hoping this stock photo works as click bait—also though, there’s a metaphor here. Even super heroes need good literature to make it through a long day catching bad guys? Being an author and a mom is a balancing act akin to any of Spider Man’s? Idk. (Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash)

But where does that leave me now?

Trying Something New

I’ve been writing on Substack for six months now. I very much enjoy the process and the community. To those of you who have subscribed, thank you so much for your support! While this community is still small, it has the potential to grow much larger.

The Substack writer Elle Griffin has argued that Substack could be the future of books, through book serialization. While I don’t entirely agree (I’m always going to want physical books), I like the idea of creating a space for writers to share their work—and be paid for their work—without gatekeeping.

Authors like Charles Dickens and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle published many of their novels through serialization in newspapers. (Photo by Daniela Muntyan on Unsplash)

So here’s what I’ve been thinking: I have three finished novels and numerous unpublished short pieces, just sitting in my Google drive. I’m still passionate about each story, still in love with these characters and the journeys they take.

What if I could share some of these stories with you?

While I still aspire to publish the majority of my writing traditionally (through book deals or through literary magazines), I’d like the opportunity to share some of my writing now. With each chapter excerpt or story, I would welcome reader feedback. And maybe with new insights and an established following, I could still one day publish a book traditionally.

In my next post, I’ll share more about the creative fiction and excerpts I’d publish here, and explain how you can become a first reader!