On Choosing Wonder and Teaching Gratitude

With gratitude prompts for small children and adults

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder” ~ G.K. Chesterton

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude” ~ A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

As I’ve been planning this post, I’ve thought of how gratitude is both a feeling and a virtue. On the one hand, gratitude can be spontaneous, welling up in us in response to the good in our lives. On the other hand, gratitude is a choice, something that can be cultivated when we take the time to acknowledge our blessings.

I like G.K. Chesterton’s definition because it includes wonder. Wonder, while often spontaneous, also involves the willingness to pause and take something in, the choice to linger in that happiness. I think of a forest I once stumbled upon in western Ireland, the moss that covered the ground velvet soft, hushing my steps as I wandered toward beams of light that slipped between the tall and silent trees. I was caught up by wonder, and yet I also chose to linger in it, to take in the details: the way the moss felt beneath my boots, the silence so full it beckoned, the undeniable magic of a beauty so strange. There were secrets there as alive as the legendary faeries of Ireland. I might have missed them if I hadn’t chosen wonder.

Photo by Vital Sinkevich on Unsplash

While gratitude is always a virtue we seek to cultivate in our family, we are focusing on it especially in this month of November. Below, I want to share a simple and fun prompt for encouraging gratitude in young children.

What is Gratitude? : A Prompt for Small Children (Ages 4 +)

I created this exercise to help take the abstract concept of gratitude or thankfulness and make it more concrete for little minds. As Piglet realizes, sometimes the smallest hearts are the most capable of gratitude.

My sons are 4 and 6 and were both able to follow these prompts with my guidance. I found it worked well to ask them these questions individually in a cuddly setting—during their “quiet time” or before bed—with plenty of snuggles and tickles interspersed between questions. I can also see this creating a fun dinner conversation, especially with older kids. In any case, try to go at your child’s pace and don’t push too hard if they aren’t open to the conversation.

1. First, talk about what gratitude is. Help your child define it in simple words (we came up with, “Saying thank you” and “feeling thankful”). It can be helpful to have them talk about a time when they felt thankful. (My four-year-old said “When I get lots of candy.”)

2. Next, ask your child what gratitude feels like and have them identify where they experience that feeling in their body. Here’s a sample conversation:

   Me: “What does gratitude feel like?”

   Six-year-old: “Happy!”

   Me: “Where do you feel it in your body?”

   Six-year-old, *pointing to chest*: “In my heart!”

3. Ask your child, “If gratitude were a place, where would it be?” Allow your child to think about his or her answer for a little while, but let them know there are no wrong answers. If they are open to it, you can ask them why gratitude would be that place.

4. Ask your child, “If gratitude were a person, who would it be?” Again, give your child space to answer without overthinking.*

5. Ask your child, “If gratitude were a texture, what would it be?” I explained to my kids what texture meant, giving examples such as soft, smooth, slimy, hard, rough etc.

   (Note: This is about where my four-year-old lost interest after identifying gratitude as “slimy” because he likes “slimy and smooth things.”)

6. At this point, you can keep going with similar questions (what color would gratitude be, what food etc.) and when your child is ready, direct them to see that they have (likely) compared gratitude to many things that they love.

7. Explain that gratitude is a feeling but it is also something we can choose, just like we choose what to wear or what to eat. If your child is open to it, ask them to name one thing they choose to be thankful for today.

Ultimately, this prompt is about creating a moment of connection with your child while helping them define a concept that is, honestly, sometimes hard for adults to define too. In having them name people, places, and things that remind them of gratitude it is ultimately encouraging them to experience gratitude. It can also be a great practice in wonder as it starts with the experience of their own bodies and moves outward to the physical world.

* Both my children said “Mama” in response to this question and I’m not crying, you’re crying. (In all seriousness, I couldn’t be more grateful for these little boys I get to raise.)

I’d love to know how this conversation goes with your children! Please let me know in the comments or send me a message (I love hearing from you!).

After the paywall, I’ve included a writing prompt for adults that utilizes wonder to generate gratitude.